bit of a musing here on my part. i'm not upset at all. just musing.

i luv new experiences. i'm addicted to them.

changerooms. they are new for me. i'm oriental. my culture is really reserved. people don't change in front of strangers. in high school gym class, i either changed in the bathroom stalls, or twisted my body into really weird shapes so i didn't have to show skin.

i'm neurotic when it comes to changerooms. i recently picked up ringette. ringette is like hockey, except instead of a puck, you use a ring.

pre-practise, everybody dumps their big bags into the middle of the changeroom, and sit on benches around the walls of the room. you see it in movies all the time - the team lounges on the benches around the walls of the changeroom, facing each other. and while talking pleasantries and teasing each other, they pull on their gear. it's a really relaxing atmosphere.

and once you get on the ice, everyone is equal. or if not equal in ability, everyone encourages each other, yelling out "good pass!!" and "yeeeeeeeah!!" and "you're doing awesome!!!" i luv my life. i luv learning to skate. i luv falling flat on my ass. i luv getting up and rushing to catch up as my teammates tell me it was a great effort. i luv it all.

except the changeroom. i do not like the changeroom.

i'll have you know, i'm very chivalrous. i do not feel like i'm getting to spy. if i really wanted to see girl parts, i've got my own to check out thank you very much. but the thing is, i don't think every other girl in that changeroom would feel that way if they knew. so i watch everyone from inside this bubble. i smile instead of laugh. i don't reach out to get to know people. i'm easily fascinated by the laces on my skates.

a large part of me is about reaching people, about being real, about sharing laughs and heart. those girls in the changeroom don't know me. and for the forseeable future, i don't intend to let them. in the meanwhile, skate on!!