I wasn't really sure which section to post this under, but I supposed that since I'm looking for a sort of answer/opinion this would be a good place to put it. Anyway, on with the post...
A while back (September 2005 to be exact) I met someone online from a message board similar to this and we found out that we went to the same school. If figured, how cool is that. So we met up and over the last year we've become pretty darn good friends. The problem started at the beginning of the summer, May. We started getting excited about the summer and we started making all these plans. It started with going for a trip downtown for coffee, then two weeks later we met up to go for lunch, then we started seeing each other once or twice a week, then Fireworks shows and Cirque du Soleil and Phantom of the Opera and movies, etc. It started to feel like we were hanging out way more than I ever do with my other friends, especially in the midst of a summer semester at University as well as semi-full-time work at Starbucks. I realized after the first couple of weeks that I really liked him, and as more than a friend. We're both Christians, and we're both gay, but I don't know if I should say anything because...well I've never actually had the same feelings for anyone before, or at least anyone where there was a possibility of something actually happening. When we started getting into things like Cirque du Soleil and The Phantom of the Opera (not cheap things to go to) it started feeling more like dates, but maybe it's just me.
Now I'm home recovering from jaw surgery and I've had way too much time to think about things and it's more and more confusing all the time. The part that gets messy is that both sets of parents are on the very conservative side and neither set of parents is/would be supportive of us (I'm out to my parents and he's not out to his). And then there's the fact that I rely on public transit and he lives two and half hours west on the bus and I can't expect him to always be driving out here. It's frustrating and heartbreaking and I'm not sure what to do. Any advice from anyone out there? I'm 22 and I'm totally new to the dating scene so I would appreciate anything you've got.
Rob
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Angry, young, and poor...yep...that about sums it up.
Hiya, Rob!! It's been ages!! I don't have any advice for you, but I think you've come to the right place. There are some wonderful people here who are willing to share their hearts, so hopefully someone will know just what to say.
But I will say, that is really exciting!! Good luck to you both!!
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Grace is the acceptance of that which is rejected. ~Paul Tillich
Rob, I think that you should tell your friend how you feel about him. He might be having the same feelings for you, too. Just don't be upset if he decides that he just wants to be good friends with you. Don't worry about whatever distance there is between the two of you...just look at Shelly and Jeanine: they live on separate CONTINENTS, yet they have managed to fall in love with each other! And they haven't even SEEN one another in person! If the feelings that the two of you have is real, then NOTHING will stand in your way of having an intimate relationship with each other.
As for your's and his parents...that is something that only the two of you can handle. He will have to come out to his parents sooner or later; they can't be left in the dark about something like this. And if they see that their sons have fallen in love with another good Christian gay man, then both sets of parents will feel a little more better and accepting.
I agree with Jeffrey Rob. But I will tell you one thing....dont ever let distance be a factor in a relationship. Just because someone lives half way across the country, or even 2 hours away, it does not mean that you cannot be together. I guess that is easier said than done sometimes (easier for me to do since I work for an airline) but a lot of other people do it. I hope things work well for you, and I will be praying for you. :)
Only one piece of advice from this corner, and it's an echo.
Don't let distance keep you from exploring the idea of a relationship. My partner and I lived over 3 hours apart and our relationship grew despite the distance. As a matter of fact, it grew in a healthy way, because we got to know each other via phone and e-mail and were able to bond mentally and emotionally without the physical distractions.
Give it a shot, you never know what may come to be.....
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Be yourself!!! Don't try to fit into someone else's mold, you won't fit!!! And that just leads to utter misery!!! Live life to it's fullest in Christ's love every day!!!
Well, I did it. I told him exactly what's going on and he said that while he doesn't feel the same way for me, he appreciated me telling him straight out what was going on. So now we're just friends, but at least I don't have to keep my feelings bottled up. Now I can put them aside, though, because he knows where I stand and if he ever changes his mind (I can only hope), I'm sure my feelings won't change too super fast, even if I want them to. Anyway, thank you all for your replies and advice and support. It's over now and I can breathe much easier.
Rob
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Angry, young, and poor...yep...that about sums it up.
Hey Rob....hows it going? Sorry to hear about your friend, but at least you got your feelings out in the open. Would love to talk to you sometime! Shoot me a message! Take care! David :)
That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
