Some of you people know that I'm leaving Canada soon. I am going to be a freshman student at Gallaudet University in Washington, D.C.
I'm very scared and nervous. I haven't been that very far away from home. And it hurts because I am very close to my family. I can't stand the idea of leaving my family behind and go to school on my own. I miss Bam Bam, because he's my world. He's so precious. We are very close to each other. And it's hard because when I look at Bam Bam, it breaks my heart.
And mainly, I worry that I can't make friends at Gally. I didn't make a lot of friends at my old school. And I don't want that way. I want to have few friends who can be incredibly close to me and that we will have some incredible moments at the rest of years at Gally. And I worry if that I'm not happy at Gally. I know it's a part of growing up, but I really want to stay at Gally because I feel that it's really me. But I guess I can't say for sure until I get there.
I guess I just worry too much, even though I know that God will take care of me. But I feel that I don't have much faith in this anymore. I mean, I believe that strong believers who trust in Him, they would be happy with everything. I am happy that He has let me to go on this journey. I really do. But I don't know...
And I am going to see a GCNer before I leave to school. I am really excited to see her, but I really worry about us too. We have an incredible bond together. We are like, in that term, incredibly best friends. She's so wonderful to me. She cares so much about me. And we really both hope that we could develop that bond together in person too, even though we mainly know we will. But we want to make sure that we will do. I want us to be together, I really do. I'm okay if that even doesn't work out; we will be always good friends. But I want us to be more than that. I just hope that God will let to have some incredibly special moments and take this - we could fly together.
I'm been anxious. And it's getting closer and closer. I am scared. Even though I got my passports, my visa, and everything that goes well. Mainly, I need to get insurances and some medical thing gets to be done. And now I found out that my friend got the cheque from the financial aid. I am shocked because I thought I am going to get it when I am at Gally because I need to do some papers. I worry about this now because I want to make sure that I get the cheques just fine.
I know you all have been saying that God has brought me very far, but I am not sure that I believe it. And that I need to trust in Him, but to be honest, I feel like I'm not acting like a Christian. I don't have much faith, even though I do have faith in Him. But I need to stop worry and everything. And I know that I'm a human, and I have feelings right?
*sigh* I think prayers and advices would very appreciated. And I really want to say thank you from bottom of my heart. You guys have done so much for me and I wish I could repay that for you all. But all I can do is to pray for you all and tell God that He should do something for all who have prayed for me. *hugs* I thank you very much.
I have seen you on both Christian locations since January. I have seen a fantastic growth in your life. Although you have stressed , you have left things in God's hands, prayed about them and doors have been opened. I know that for me in unfamiliar situations or locations I tend to be quiet and observant at first until I can find someone to relate to. God always puts people in our lives for reasons, and I have no doubt that will happen for you. As a friendship, someone to minister to, or just be there when they need help. You always have friends here and we are ready to listen as you embark on a new adventure.
I'll be praying for you, Katie. I know this is a scary time in your life, but remember God is holding you in the palm of His hand! He will give you the strength you need to get through this. Plus, you have us here!
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Grace is the acceptance of that which is rejected. ~Paul Tillich
Katie, honey, you are going to be just fine in your new life at Gally! You are most definitely going to be making new friends while you're there. I was so afraid on my first day at my new job that, while I was on my lunch break, I walked out to my car and CRIED! I just felt so alone stepping out in a new life...
But then I remembered being so afraid of coming out to my mom, and coming out to MYSELF several months before, and how God gave me the faith and courage to do all the personal growing that I have committed since I first met all you guys on GCN! And just as God gave me the faith and ability to face up to the truth of what it means to be gay, and to come out to my mom, and to start having a job and life of my own...so will He give you the faith to face each new day of your new life living in D.C. There are no "super-saints" who have a kind of "incredible" faith. God will NEVER abandon you to this mean and cold world! He will bless you with the strength that you need, including the faith to do this! He loves you too much to ever do that!