I just plain can't deal anymore; yes, another "breakup" (in short, another guy who refuses to return my calls after promising to call me the night before), another bogus number from a "potential local gay friend", oh, and my personal favorite, the guy who has no recollection as to who I am 24 hours after meeting me.
That was today.
I have nothing but painful experiences meeting gay men in person, so I'm honestly going to pray that God make it less painful or make me straight.
Well I have been there done that. I'm just average looks to homely. I can't remember now how many times I have given out my number to someone. (They may have asked for it or I volunteered it). Sadly, I must consider the place where I gave it out....namely a bar. This means that the other person probably was in an alcoholic fuzz...or maybe so was I....or both. Sadly the focus of Gay men in particular is to find someone "cute"....."hot"...."attractive" instead of focusing on the mind and heart of another. Looks will ultimately fade....then what?
You know though, I have tried to rush relationships along in my own time, and they usually crash and burn in disaster. The longest one was 13 years. It started out wonderfully. Then after 13 years I was praying desperately to get out as the love was gone, and he was constantly in and out of jail. My prayers were answered and I lost everything I owned except my car. It was God's wake-up call to me....downsize and establish proper priorities. This happened 5 years ago, and was a new beginning and a re-connecting with God.
All I can say here is pray that God puts someone in your life with whom you are equally yoked. Prayers for patience as well that you can realize when the right person comes into your life. Don't rush into situations. It will come in Gods time. I also thank God for putting people in my life as someone can be in your life for just a short time for you to either learn a lesson, make you stronger, or just as a support when you need it.
Thanx, but I'm frankly sick of this attraction to people that hurt me, and I don't want it anymore. I'm tired of being wounded over and over and over again, multiple times in one night even, and I don't want it anymore.
So I'm praying God makes me attracted to women. God can do anything, so why not!
Don't ask God to change the way He created you! You are His perfect creation. You don't need to change who you are. But maybe you do need to do something different. If you keep doing the same thing, you'll keep getting the same results. Maybe God is wanting you to make a change in your surroundings. (Just guessing here!) But you could move to Houston, where it's already in the 90s everyday and will be for the next 6 months or so! We'd love to have you down here!
I'll be praying for you, Phil. You are such a special person, even if the fools you meet don't know it!!
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Grace is the acceptance of that which is rejected. ~Paul Tillich
How do you know that's not the way you are supposed to be? Are you attracted to women? If not, you were born gay, and that's the way God made you!!! You just haven't found the right people to love you!!
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Grace is the acceptance of that which is rejected. ~Paul Tillich
How do I know? It consistently fails to work! I cannot make any local in-person gay friends, much less keep any relationships going! I can make local goth friends w/o trying, people are totally interested in hanging with me and they're all straight; even the gay goths I've met avoid me, one so much as to push me aside whenever he sees me!
Do you think you are the oldest gay man to not find someone? I don't! You are still young & there are still many opportunities before you. Take some time & seek HIM!!!
Can we limit this to one thread? I'm getting dizzy!
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Grace is the acceptance of that which is rejected. ~Paul Tillich
What is to keep all of this from happening yet again, but in a straight scenario? You find a girl...and she dumps you...you find another girl...she dumps you too...ON AND ON AND ON AND ON!!!
This sort of thing happens every single day to almost EVERY single straight person in their lives! There is NO such thing as a "perfect" relationship, GAY OR STRAIGHT! You need to stop panicking every single time someone dumps you. It happens to straight people WAY more than it does to gay, believe it or not, because there is MORE OF THEM! So trust me...you are not alone on this!
Whether or not God has someone in store for you, male or female, is NOT the issue here!
The thing you need to do is stop...take a breathe...and remember that GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN ANYONE EVER COULD! He loves you with a love that no person on earth ever could give you. And it is THAT love that will NEVER abandon you and leave you.
Marital happiness comes from your marriage relationship...
But unconditional joy comes from a love that is with a relationship with Christ.
What is to keep all of this from happening yet again, but in a straight scenario? You find a girl...and she dumps you...you find another girl...she dumps you too...ON AND ON AND ON AND ON!!!
Considering that it has never happened to my friends and definitely not to me, I don't have any reference for that other than your word for it, sorry.
Seriously, my goth Christian friends have happy marriages, not perfect ones, but happy ones.. and I'm the miserable one that cannot find a date, gender otherwise..
Which is why perhaps I am honestly trying to do something I am not meant to do.
I distictly remember a past praise report from one of our members about his car breaking down with a busted radiator, and how God used another guy to fix it.
I wonder what happened to THAT GUY?! I was wondering if he could tell you that what God can do with cars with broken radiators, He can do with your breaking heart, too!
I distictly remember a past praise report from one of our members about his car breaking down with a busted radiator, and how God used another guy to fix it. I wonder what happened to THAT GUY?! I was wondering if he could tell you that what God can do with cars with broken radiators, He can do with your breaking heart, too!
THAT GUY is at a straight goth bar getting drunk and picking up girls.. great guy though! He and I get along very well, though he's hoping I'll find "the right girl" too.
phil_of_va wrote: 35+ I'd rather not say or else the rest of the gay population here would abandon me :( Phil
Phil,
I love older men. Including yourself. I'm planning to go see Mattie next month--so, I will not have another vacation for a year....but, how about I spend some time in DC with you for a few days? I'm sorry this has happened to you. *big hugs* Call me if you ever need me. I will try to get back to you as soon as possible. You're in my prayers, bud. I'm sorry people can be so judgemental. It's not you, Phil. I've seen your pictures, I've read your blog. You're beautiful inside and out. I know that...and so does God. I know that you cannot see that, because your surroundings have stripped you of your pride...but, God, Phil...start believing in yourself, and let your beauty shine through. You will meet a fantastic man one day--I believe it. I believe you will have tons of friends. Don't let the world rip you apart. Your stronger than they are--and you have God, and us on your side. I love ya, man. *christian hugs* Darrel ps: call me. seriously. u know my number. use it. :)
I also went out with a girl two nights ago. She was beautiful, in many ways. However, when I close my eyes, I don't see myself having a wife...I see myself having a wonderful husband. Take a minute to close your eyes, and imagine something natural. Imagine what your future holds. Don't force yourself to sway one way or another--just think of growing old with that person you want to be by your side. Are they male/female? What are they like? How is that person going to be compatible to you???
Anyway like Mama said, take some time to seek HIM. God will mend your broken heart in due time. However, while you are still hurting, see HIM out--because He will put you on the right path. I know there are going to be trials to go through, and there are going to be many things in this life in which we wonder, "Why am I even doing this??" But, we simply need to put trust in Him, and never, ever, ever give up.
Phil, you're a fighter. Judging from our past conversations, you've been through so much more than this. Don't let the trivial stuff take your eye out of the big picture...ok?? Think big. ;) *hugs*
-- Edited by Darrel at 05:04, 2006-05-24
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That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
I do realize this much: That I love whom God has made me, but the gay scene here in DC can't stand whom God has made me, so I would either have to change who I am for them, change who they are for me, or change them, period.
If they can't accept you for the way God made you...then they are no different than the religious freaks like Phelps who say that people like you and me ought to DIE and go straight to hell!
I practically have. I'm concentrating moreso on my "Goth duties" anyway. If I'm meant to be with another guy in a relationship, it'll have to happen w/o my help, because I'm tired of trying with the dating pool you have here in DC while all the cool, eligible and very attractive men are NOWHERE NEAR ME
..and yes, another bogus number, got it last night from someone whom I met via Gaydar a few weeks ago.. really "into me" came from Belgium to DC, wanted to see me.. his number, albeit Belgian, is bogus..
That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
i dont have any right words. but i do know that you are a wonderful man, and any guy would be lucky to have you. you are so amazing, and just well just great. please dont be so hard on yourself, if those other guys didnt see what they were missing out on then thats their loss.
