My mom goes from being sweet and loving to being unloving and abusive... and it can happen at the drop of a hat.  I simply can't trust her... I wish I would remember that.  And here she goes again,

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Dear Nathan,

I want you to know before I say what I want to say in this letter, that I love you more than you can know!  And I know more than you can know!  And I know the Lord loves you more than I could ever imagine.  In so very many ways your heart is so good and so kind, who could not Love you?

You care for others and you go out of your way to help others.  I have So missed the fellowship in the Lord that we use to have more than you could ever know. And if being kind and doing good works could get you to heaven, you for sure would make it.  But it won't be enough.  Only true repentance and the washing with the blood of Jesus will do.

This is one of the most difficult letters I have ever written and I do so with hope in my heart that you somehow will understand and somehow believe that I have your best interest at heart.

I have been letting God deal with my heart over my own sins and really wanting to get to that place of total surrender to Him.   Through many times of weeping before the Lord, He has led me to put Him first, even above my children.  Jesus said that I would even have to hate my own life also to be His disciple.  There really is no other way to please Him.

You know that I really believe that you need to repent, and that your Soul is in danger of going to hell if you die in your sins.  I know that I know that I know this in my heart of hearts, as well as the scriptures speaking of those who walk in the flesh and not in the Spirit.   I know because I backslide when I learned of your lifestyle.  I began to question God and went through my own hell over all of this.  But when Justin died, God opened my eyes to my foolishness and gave me an opportunity to repent and to turn back to Him.  Which I am eternally grateful to Jesus for, because many never have that opportunity to repent and end up in hell forever.

Justin is in heaven, because God let him come back to life and pray the sinners prayer! I know this and God has confirmed to me many times, that Justin is with Him.

So I have learned the fear of God even more than in the past, and I am Not going away from Him ever again by His grace and mercy!  And I am Reading the word, of which you profess to believe and it says that if I love Jesus I will obey His commands.  It also says that I can not love my children more than I love Him.  So I must obey Him and put Him first in all things.

Here is the hard part that I must do.  And I believe that in obeying Him in this, that there will still be hope for you.

I have compromised because of you in the past, but I have repented.  I can't compromise anymore.

I compromised because I was angry at God over what you went through and how it affected you. God has shown me how foolish that was, and has truly granted me a gift of repentance.  And here is what the word says that I must do:

1Cr 5:11 But now I have written  unto you not to keep company, if any Man that is called a brother  be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a  drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.

If you were just living in sin and not professing to be a Christian then I would not be required to do this.  But you are living in fornication and now your even going to become a minister, so that puts me in a position to either ignore this command or obey it.

This is where I have to draw the line.  Until you come to yourself and realize the REAL spiritual danger you are in every day you live in your sin, and truly repent, I will not be able to fellowship with you or to even eat with you.  I can't go out to eat with you when you come to town.

I can't invite you to anymore family gatherings.  This is harder for me than you will ever know.

I know many in my own family won't understand this, and may be offended at me and hate me.  But I only care what Jesus thinks and what He wants, because I know He misses your fellowship too!

Our fellowship can be restored upon your true repentance and walking Away from your sin.  I truly long for that time more than you could ever know!!!  Any time you want to find your way back to the truth, I will be there to help you.

And I can tell you my flesh does not want to obey this, but my spirit knows that there is no other way, especially if there is any hope for you at all.

I know this will maybe make you hate me and make you infuriated with me. You will think me such a hypocrite and you will want to lash out at me.

You are in a lot of deception, and according to the word only God can Help you at this point.  I will not hold anything against you that you do or say to me.  I love you, I love you, I love you.  I want you to make it to heaven!

You are in fornication which is clearly a sin in the word of God.  You would be better off to not try to bring God into you sinful lifestyle son.  It's just a very bad thing to do spiritually.

I love you and pray for you son.  I will never stop praying for you!!!

Love,

Mom

Please wait until you are not so angry before you write me or call me ok.  I really do love you!

Dear Heavenly Father,

I ask that You would grant Nathan the gift of repentance.  I ask that You would show him that he is being deceived and in danger spiritually.  I pray that he will have his eyes opened to see and that his ears would Be open to hear, and that he would be given a heart to understand the Truth and be able to turn to You and turn from his sin of rebellion.  I ask for mercy for his soul and to be filled with hope that You can help him. 

In Jesus mighty name.

Amen

I have counted the cost of obeying Gods word, what I have to endure, is just what will be.  I have counted Him worthy of all my obedience and love.