I honestly don't want to try this gay thing anymore, so I think I am going to give up, at least trying to make local gay friends, contacts, dates, anything.
I'm not wired for it, and I don't think I am ever meant to do it, when you face now nearly daily defeat each time you go out to any place to meet anyone and it constantly returns as a failure, and when other people you know do not have this problem but you, then you have to start realizing that it's not for you, especially after you've done whatever you can to "fix it" so you can.
No biggie, I tried that with the Christian community as well, to no avail. I am no longer invited to be around any of the straight Christians I know (except the Christian goths of course) anymore, nobody emails me back, calls me back, nothing. People I see at church literally walk around me whenever they see me including those that know me.
So, here I am, a complete and total freak, only at home among other freaks, as it seems.
Prayer request? I don't think I have any. What prayer could I ask for?
Whether you ask for it or not, I'll be praying for you to find peace. I pray that you'll learn to see you as God sees you. I pray that God will send someone into your life to minister to you.
Hang in there, Phil. We love you!!
__________________
Grace is the acceptance of that which is rejected. ~Paul Tillich
Nobody in the gay scene ever will here locally. People in the Goth scene, however, always do. I'm understanding that perhaps it's that either I'm not ever meant to be among gays or that I am not meant to BE gay at all, but I am meant to be among Goths.
I am looking into celibacy as an option at this point.
I don't know why some people don't like you. You are a very interesting person and you live a very interesting life. You go to places that only I can DREAM of ever going to! Although, I think that you have a strange taste in music, I don't see where someone would think of you as "odd" and try to stay away from you. I think that you need to get out of there and find yourself some new people that will be your friends!
And remember...don't try to change what you are in order to become "acceptable" to some group of self-righteous hypocrites...gay OR straight!
I totally appreciate that, Taterhead, but to gays here in DC I am "a freak". How would you like someone at a gay party tell you you're "scary"? That was Saturday night, hardly know the guy, but I was "scary". What can I say?
Oh well, I guess I'll just be "scary" then. Later that night one of my goth friends was accused of being "creepy" by someone else just because he wore this really cool headpiece with LCD displays on his "tentacles".
