Hi Lisa! I think the first thing was finding out my best friend was gay. That helped me understand it wasn't just me against the world. But the biggest was finding out over time that my grandfather believed in me. To this day I still reflect on the knowledge that he believed in me even when he knew I was gay. To me I thought it would shame him. It's funny how some people react and try to hint that they know you are gay. My grandfathers way was trying to provoke a fight. He would say how much he hated queers... I was too shy back then to fight and thought I would shame him if he knew. He knew alright and tried to get me to open up. You see I think he didn't want to point a finger and say it outright. Now he's gone, but I found out the hard way he loved me for me the long round about way. I think thats why I pray so much for families to be more open and talk. It was so hard years ago for anyone to even talk about sex products now they are everywhere. Gels, Lubes, Condoms and other things... But many families can't talk about sexuality still to this day.
One of the best things about my relationship with my son, Alan, is the closeness we have always shared. We can & do talk about any and everything. Of course, there are times where we can't make eye contact for a few days afterwards...
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Grace is the acceptance of that which is rejected. ~Paul Tillich
Dearest Lisa; I guess being a hetrosexual transgender this question technically doesn't apply to me but I can answer in terms of gender in place of sex. The thing that helped me come to grips with having two genders in one body was the freedom of understanding that if I put our precious Lord first he would work out the rest. Satan had used guilt to keep my focus on gender and as long as I did so he could torment me dear. When I put and kept Jesus first I found I had the freedom to be both male and female as needed. My precious saviour had given me the ability to dwell on both sides of the harem gates in the king's palace, so to speak. It truly is a freedom not to have my male ego get in the way. I hope this makes sense, even though it probably doesn't apply. May God bless you all. Love, Samantha.
Samantha, I liked your answer. Thank you for sharing it with us. I have to admit that "transgender" is something I know little about. I'm so glad you are here with us and can enlighten us!
I guess keeping our focus on Jesus in any area of our life would be tremendously helpful. Too bad we tend to focus on everything else first, and on Jesus only when we get desperate!
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Grace is the acceptance of that which is rejected. ~Paul Tillich
Believe it or not, what helped me come to grips with my homosexuality was my ex-wife. Her acceptance of who I am and her releasing me to be who I am was the most awesome gift that I have ever received. Although it caused her a great deal of pain, she has been very supportive of me and my becoming a happy, whole person.
And the second thing that helped me was a study of the Word, I mean an in DEPTH study of the so-called "clobber texts". Coming to a realization of the mistranslations of the origianal languages was a real eye-opener and allowed me to accept my sexuality for what it was, a normal part of who I am. Not a sick sinful attitude. It was a breath of fresh air to by soul.
I am so grateful for the freedom within my soul now that I have come to accept myself for who I am. The joy and happiness is indescribable.
And for help after coming out, my friends at that other site, some of whom I am so glad are here as well, have been priceless. And Mama Lisa and Papa Bear have become surrogate fill in parents while mine come to grips with my sexual identity. Thanks guys. I'm so glad that you started this site so that we can glean from each other's experiences.
-- Edited by 24 fan tim at 08:07, 2006-03-03
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Be yourself!!! Don't try to fit into someone else's mold, you won't fit!!! And that just leads to utter misery!!! Live life to it's fullest in Christ's love every day!!!
For me it wasn't so much 'coming to terms' as it was just realizing who I was. I grew up so sheltered and I didn't know any gay people, I didn't even know what it really meant to be gay. When I got on the internet it opened up a whole new world for me. Before that I thought it was like a "fetish" for me. That being attracted to girls was my particular 'kink'. I didn't realize that people actually entered into same sex relationships and lead normal lives and all that. It was a huge eye opener for me to learn these things. I didn't realize all this until after my marriage ended and even though my marriage was abusive, my ex husband and I are really good friends now and he is very supportive of me.
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Going cold turkey isn't nearly as delicious as it sounds - Homer Simpson.
Hmm I must say I've never had too much of a problem with it. When I was growing up, I'd not think about it... Then sometimes I'd be lying down and just think 'I'm gay....whoah' For a while I wondered if it was a phase, mostly because it is kind of a rare thing.
Realizing that I could lie to myself, but that it was wrong to involve another person (a potential wife and children) in that lie.
My main reason for trying to be straight was just that I wanted to fit in. I finally realized that that was a very flimsy excuse for tormenting myself the way I was.
Being a classical musician, I'd been around gay people quite a lot and so I'd already developed a sense of tolerance for them. It just took a little longer for me to associate myself with them.
Hmm I must say I've never had too much of a problem with it. When I was growing up, I'd not think about it... Then sometimes I'd be lying down and just think 'I'm gay....whoah' For a while I wondered if it was a phase, mostly because it is kind of a rare thing.
I think my experience is pretty much the same as Rev Mike here. I always knew. I remember having those feelings when I was in first grade, I would say to myself I want to play with John because he is cute or I want to sit next to Joe because he's cute. Of course the word "homosexual" was unknown to me, I knew then I was attracted to males.
Steve
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Lamentation 3:24 The Lord is all I have, and so in him I put my hope.
I went down a similar path as steve and rev mike did. It was a matter of self discovery, but I never did think much of it. Then I started learning more about myself then I knew I was gay. Just part of me :)
I think there were 2 things that helped me the most. One was, do what comes natural to you. The other one was that God doesn't make mistakes. He created me to be a lesbian. He knew before I was born that I would grow up to be a lesbian. It's not God who has a problem with us being gay or transgender. It's society. And they are under the impression that God backs up their prejudice and hatred. I guess there was one other thing that helped me. I found out that all the Bibles that were translated after 1946 contain serious translation errors, especially when it came to translating the "clobber passages."
Dearest lisa; I would like to mention another thing that helped me. I was kind of hesitant because I'm notsure I can reay it properly dear, and I don't want to bring confusion among any of my dear brothers and sisters. I believe this is what helped the most. Through my struggles and my times of trouble certain scriptures kept coming to mind during my private prayer time and when people tried to give me advice. The word of God says lean not to your own under standing but in all your ways acknowledge him. Another was bring every thought to the captivity of Christ. Our precious Jesus said the Holy Ghost would glorify him. And Elizabeth said the babe leaped in her womb for joy at the salutation of Mary. Seperately these scriptures could mean many things dear. As I tried to discern the spirits and become sensitive to the spirit of God I started taking heed as I read my Bible and as I spoke with others. I took note that every time something was said that was the rightly divided word of truth and glorified our precious Jesus it differed from that spoken by the spirit of man. I bgan to tell when my precious saviour was showing me a scripture and when the devil was. Both were different from when I happened upon a scripture by chance. I noticed when some scriptures were spoken the individual might as well have been ordering a big mac dear. But at other times I noticed that something stirred in my spirit, kind of like a babe in a womb. Being a male dear, I truly can't say I know what that feels like but that is the closest thing I can liken it to. I noticed that every time that happened it was in accordance with the word of God and glorified our precious Jesus. Soon as some spoke I could feel this difference and I was able to take lightly those who wanted to convert me for their cause. As with that I noticed the same thing happen when I prayed as the word of God says the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. I began to take not of these things and found a peace of mind as the spirit of God verified that which was right and good. Dear, as I came onto these sites and started posting I could tell as even to type that which I feel stirs my spirit and doesn't feel like vain words. That's why I can call myself Samantha with no problems. Dear, I hope that I explained this good enough because I've never claimed to be the sharpest knife in the drawer, so to speak. So that which helped me the most was actually the compilation of both my posts. I hope I did not bring any confusion in this area dear. May God bless you. Your sister in Christ, Samantha.
Fallin in love with my first love helped me to realize that I was ...gay.. Throughout my teen years, I also fell in love with several girls, so it helped me to realize that I cannot change my sexuality but accept who I am.
After a ruptured appendix, two surgeries, three weeks in the hospital, losing 65lbs, not being able to walk for several months...
I realized that I hadn't been living my life... my faith... my sexuality... etc... up to that point. And I made a promise to myself, that if I lived through the sickness, I was going to truly live and "be" who I am.
I STRONGLY do not recommend this route. There are much safer, happier & healthier ways to embrace your sexuality.
Like Sparky said... "falling in love" is a great way to do it...
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Perfect love casts out fear. God is love. Anything else is a lie.
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