I can't sleep again...and now it's more than that. I am sitting here crying and I can't figure out why. I don't know is wrong with me...and it feels like I'm going crazy. It must be depression because someone just doesn't cry for no reason. Also...this crying is making me feel like there must be something missing in my life...and I'm not sure what. I really wish I had someone to talk to right now..but everyone but me is asleep. Why is life so hard...and so short? One thing that is making me cry also...is I won't be with Jake forever. One day, one of us will die...and there are no couples in heaven..or wherever. I feel like I'm reaching a doubt phase again also. I don't know where I'm heading or what will happen to me. I'm somewhat scared...but some part of me doesn't want to do anything but cry. I am sorry for rambling...I just had to get it out somewhere. Please...pray for me....I am so full of grief..and I have no reason to be....
First off, Thomas, thanks for not calling me at 3:30am!!! I would have talked to you, but with all the meds I take to sleep, no telling what I would have said!
Second, maybe you should see a doctor for depression. I've been on anti depressants for more than 7 years, and I feel a whole lot better now than I did before taking them. It's nothing to be afraid or ashamed of - sometimes there's a chemical imbalance in the brain and we just need a little help.
And third, you are fearfully and wonderfully made just exactly how you are, and you will spend eternity with your Creator. This may not be what you want to hear, but I'm certain that when you get to heaven, you won't care that you are no longer a couple with Jake. YOU'LL BE IN HEAVEN, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!! When we are standing there before God, ALL earthly, human thoughts, fears, questions, and hurts will disappear in an instant.
I have to go to the thought for the day. We'll talk more...
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Grace is the acceptance of that which is rejected. ~Paul Tillich
I will definitely keep you in my prayers!!! I know the pain of depression and the hopelessness that it spawns. Know this, there is life after depression. I suffered from depression for 20 years, and it was not fun. But now that my depression has passed, I firmly believe and live my tag line - to live life to it's fullest.
Thomas, when it comes to crisis of faith, we all experience these as we live our lives and discover that what we have believed doesn't measure up to what we experience in life. It is through these crisis that our faith is strenthened.
Now for a short piece of advice.....don't dwell too much on eternity at this time of your life. Odds are in your favor that eternity and Heaven are a good 60 plus years in your future, you have a good piece of living to do over the next few decades. Enjoy each day as the gift tht God has given you. Treasure every little expression of affection, each smile, every hug, and every experience. Life is a great adventure. Seek out the positives and treasure these in your heart. The overwhelming joy that accompanies these times are unbelievable.
And most of all my dear friend, know that you are loved, all across this great country. From here in NC, to Texas, and there in Tennesee.
Peace my Friend!!!
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Be yourself!!! Don't try to fit into someone else's mold, you won't fit!!! And that just leads to utter misery!!! Live life to it's fullest in Christ's love every day!!!
Thanks everyone. I'm feeling much better. I think it had something to do with my summertime insomnia and having nothing to do. When I go to Houston, I hope to find a job that will keep me busy and give me some money lol. Thanks so much for everyone's prayers. I really appreciate them
I would have talked to you, but with all the meds I take to sleep, no telling what I would have said!
