She was a stunning beauty and the ideal of femininity. She was what I could not be. Her face was such a beautiful sight behind her light blue chiffon veil. The bones of her corset were baredly visible through the bodice of her floor length dress. She carried herself with such graceful steps as she crossed the road. One lace gloved hand held her skirt and petticoats up while the other held her parasol. She was careful not to raise her skirt to high like "those women" did that went into the saloon she passed. It didn't seem to be degrading as she stepped in front of the man that tipped his hat and held the door open for her. It was just a movie I watched as a child. O' how I longed to be her! To have such a wonderful body covered with the finery that the modern women rejected. They thought that it would be too feminine, too girly, too submissive and would hinder their quest to be equal. They took for granted what some would love to have. The ability to dress as fem or butch as they please in a society that did't find anything wrong with their choices. Some of us though couldn't wear the things that would bring out the hidden woman within the male shell. The modern women took for granted what others dreamed of having. They found distastful that which others longed for. Those degrading corsets and veils that at one time was pleasing to the eyes of men have been discarded for their comfort. Those chaste floor length dresses have been discarded for the mini-skirts and provocative attire of those whom we should come out from. Side "B" gays in like manner long for that which so many straight people take for granted. Straight people can wake up each day without the countless thoughts of being an abomination in the sight of God. They can tell a little lie or cheat a little on their taxes and the impact isn't the same as with gay people. The straight people don't stop to think that every time the doctrine of their church causes a division in the body of Christ it is an abomination in the eyes of God. The side "B" people would love to have the freedom from self-condemnation that straight people have. Just as the modern women have cast off and taken for granted their feminine attire that some of the transgenders would love to have, many straight Christians have taken the grace of God for granted. They no longer fear the one that can cast both body and soul into hell like the side "B" people do. They cast off the grace that some transgenders and gay people cherish! Their choices go without condemnation in a society that lumps straight Christians together as "saved" and gay as "damned." They condemn others without seeing they themselves may not have a covering of the Spirit of God. They wake up an have a peace in their minds because they no longer consider "all" of the sins listed as abominations. They don't think about how they themselves have committed abomination after abomination daily with nothing being said. The side "B" do. So do side "A." As a transgender I many times wished I had the body to wear what other women took for granted. I wore only the clothing that sciety said was a man's garment. Watching every word I tried not to lie to the best of my human ability. What was my reward from those who wore clothing of divers materials and spoke man's doctrine dividing the body of Christ by driving away those who needed a word of hope? "You're going to hell." They took his grace for granted. I didn't. It was my only hope. They made a sacrifice by going to church. My side "B" friends made a sacrifice every day. All day. They watched men cheat on their girlfriends and wives. Many wished and prayed that they could be straight. They watched straight people cheat on what they might just cherish. They abstained from sexual relations in fear of God as straight Christians whored around with no fear. In fear of God I abstained from wearing a woman's garment while those who condemned me basked in the works of the flesh that will not enter into the kingdom of God. Who made the greater sacrifice? Was it those of side "B"? Was it a transgender that feared God too much to cross-dress? Or was it the holier-than-thou's who took grace for granted? I long for the day when I can be attired in white as a bride. By him. In his time. Blessed be his holy name.
