phil_of_va wrote:

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Do you all think my world is too weird for most people you would know in the gay scene?

I'll explain later why.

Thanks

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Honest question, honest answer.  I don't know.  I don't have a clue... I don't know much about your life Phil.  I know nothing about Goth--probably what I think I know is sterotype... like Black clothing... and I didn't know there were any Person's of color in Goth... I thought they were all pasty white kids who had no color... deficient in Vitamin D... which is not healthy... you need sunlight... and if you don't get it... you need lots of Vitamin D supplementation... See... I know nothing... But WHAT i would hope you take from this... is your life is not any more or less wierd than anyone's else's life... it is all relative... HOWEVER, what I would ask you to do... is to do some soul-searching... ARE YOU HAPPY WITH GOTH?  WHY?  What do you get out of it?  Could you get these things some othere way?  Why or how did you come to be involved with Goth?  Do you still value your decision to be Goth and does it continue to bring you happiness and satisfaction.  IF you can answer POSITIVELY to most of those, then I would say it should not matter what anyone of us think... What matters is how you feel about it.

I truly believe if you want to remain in Goth, and with the crew  or gang that you hang with and you are happy with that... then you let yourself be OKAY with that... But if it is not serving you--meaning, if it is causing you more problems, than joy. If it is not bringing the people, situations, and experiences into your life that you want to have, then you need to consider changing your course.  But only after you have soul-searched this...and maybe you might want to take a break or a trial separation and see if you feel comfortable in another community.

But one of the things that I guess you are feeling is something that most of us feel at at least once in our life... and that is some low self esteem and self doubt and discouragement.  PLEASE FORGIVE ME IF WHAT I SAY NEXT IS OFFENSIVE... I am only trying to respond based on what you have written in several of your posts... You seem to talk about the darkness, the darkside, into the deep, and I have to say from all of my psychological reading, years in therapy and experiences... this is counter productive to embracing a positive, uplifting, sunny disposition... so to be discouraged, sad, depressed would seem to fit with a goth culture... at least from what you have share--AGAIN, remember my ignorance on the Goth scene.

Lastly, I would encourage you to do several things... Seek out a therapist (Licensed counselor) who is either from the Goth community or has worked with many goth clients... talk with your goth friends for a referral... I am sure you are not the first to struggle with these issues and a professional who has psychological training who can be objective and help you assess your goals and your desires... could be very helpful.... Also... I WANT you to keep in mind... There is no way... that you are the only gay goth... I am sure there are just as many gay goth persons as there are gays in any other sub-culture... and if you feel that this is your community and this is what you want to stick with... most likely you are going to be most succesful trying to date other guys who are into Goth.

I hope that helps... Again, I don't see you as wierd at all... NOT in the least... just different from me... and just because I don't know a lot about Goth, doesn't mean... I can't related to your feelings of loneliness, and frustration of people disappointing us and being rejected... Rejection is a horrible feeling and it is pretty universal... Learning to handle it... comes from learning how to self validate ourselves and not need others to approve of us, or accept us... and this is a big and sometimes, life long challenge.

Let me share this scripture in closing... but again, it may be in compatable with goth thinking... It is one of my favorites.... it and my grandmothers favorite qoute... "Count your Blessings, name them one by one."

Hang in there Phil... WE at TSA love you.

Hugs,
Jerry  

Philippians 4:6-8   (NLTWENIVKJ21JL)*
⁶Don't worry about anything; instead talk to God about everything.  Tell God what your concerns are, at the same time thank God for all you have.
⁷If you do this you will experience God's peace; a peace far more wonderful than the human mind can understand.  This peace will bless and guard your hearts and minds as you live in the way of love lived by Christ Jesus.
⁸And now, dear brothers and sisters, train your thoughts on what is true, honorable, just and right. Think about things that are pure, lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent, virtuous and worthy of praise.
 *(NLTWENIVKJ21JL) Combined summarized & edited version of the following Biblical Versions:  New Living Translation,(NLT), Worldwide English (WE), New International Version (NIV), 21^st Century King James Version (KJ21)

I have heard before that goths are psychic vampires that feed off others energy and thats why people are scared of or indifferent to them. I am being honest,that's what I have come across before. *hugs* If being is who you feel you are,then I accept it.